A couple of months ago, a close friend advised that I should take dating a little more seriously. He felt that I was a little too relaxed about “this process” and, just like the typical Nigerian, he was worried about the ticking Giant Clock! I took his advice, and soon realised that I was suddenly eager to re-explore all the wonders of the world of dating.

In the past, I had been guilty of wasting time, trying to fix men who didn’t want to be fixed. In the course of the relationship, I would spot all the things that I could not afford to live with, and would then take on the role of a ‘god’ and spend hours on end trying to fix him; hoping that I could get him to be good for me. I did this all in futility! I have now come up with a fantastic Plan B that has worked wonders for me in the past 18 months or thereabouts; since Plan A failed me woefully.

I decided that as soon as I realise that I am incompatible with a man, instead of exerting myself by trying to change/fix him, I just chop him off! I don’t mean the literal chopping, i.e. to cut him up; I only kick him to the curb at that moment when I realise that he is slowing me down. Soon after I have done this, I pick myself up and I continue with this fantastic journey of my life.

So, I met a nice gentleman. He could have fit into the shoes of the ONE, except that he had a girlfriend who he wasn’t sure that he wanted to do away with so I helped him reach a decision very quickly; I chopped him off!

Soon after, I met a bloke who was a tad too arrogant. As far as he was concerned, he came first in all things and I had to follow. However, in my books, its ‘ladies always first’! I tried to make him see that it didn’t always have to be all about him but he didn’t get my drift. So, instead of wearing myself out trying to fix him as I had done very often in the past, or pretending that he wasn’t a potential jackass, I just chopped him off!

I met a hunk who seemed nice enough but he had a very questionable diction – he had the most awkward choice of words. Even worse, he was always seen to be heading for the condom dispenser. What on earth did he need all those condoms for? Instead of trying to find out whom he was getting his groove on with at that moment – which by the way isn’t my business – I chopped him off!

I met another fellow who seemed nice enough but he had a fundamental flaw – he talked too darn much! I put up with it for a bit till it started to get on my nerves. I spoke to him about it and I even went to the extent of explaining to him that it was “uncool” for guys to talk that much plus, I found this very boring and a major turn off, but he still wouldn’t budge. So, I chopped him off!

I then met a nice looking guy with a great sense of humour. He is an indigene of a state where there is perpetual violence. One day, while we talked about the “unrest” in his state, although his lips said that he was against the “madness”, I was not convinced that he meant it. I later found that he had dated a few girls like me in the past, and he was notorious for ending relationships in a dramatic fashion. Whatever “dramatic” meant? Well, I wasn’t going to wait to find this out so, I chopped him off!

I met the next chap at some outing. He turned out to be a major sugar bomb! Although he has the qualifications that can enable him to get a 9-5 job, he sat around waiting for government contracts. I tried to advice him to do what seemed right for him at the time but he wouldn’t listen. Instead, he kept telling me that he admired women who take care of their men when they have no money. I asked myself what this meant. Did he expect me to foot his bills at this stage? I didn’t think it was wise for me to sit around a second longer, so I chopped him off!

I met a lad who assumed that single women like me are undeniably desperate. He got my BB pin and sent me a message asking about my boyfriend. This alarmed me since I have no relationship whatsoever with him. What did he care? Before I could catch my breath, he said that he wanted me to know that he is ‘the one’. The what? Guys who are this forward can only be great when you want them too. However, when you don’t, it’s a “No, No!” So, I chopped him off!

Another dude always complemented me publicly each time he saw me. He was a bit too sexual with his words, which I found embarrassing at times. I imagined that all he wanted was that THING! So, I chopped him off!

I realise that no one, including me, is perfect and I am not seeking a perfect man whom I know doesn’t exist. However, I made the decision to “chop” off all these men because I found that none of them was compatible with me! Yes, I did it and it felt good. I had related to each one with rapt attention till I was convinced that what I had seen, heard and felt meant that they all didn’t qualify as ‘My One’.

Instead of settling for just anyone, or wasting time when we meet potential jerks, let’s do ourselves a favour and “chop them off”! This is easier than you think and it saves you a lot of time, energy and effort. More so, when ‘the one’ comes, you should be available and not tied down to the wrong man. Don’t worry, he that will come, will surely come!