Therapy bound

According to Section 412 of the Style Edict, you shouldn’t have worn the socks with the thigh high shoes. It makes you look terrible. Honestly you look like you just forgot your pants at home. You have been fined N800,000 and mandated to take special courses in style therapy.

Nuclear weapon

We know that you are well endowed and in fact you are a walking proof. But what we can’t take is your decision to flaunt your gifts to the detriment of others. We have received several petitions from wives alleging that their marriages are no longer safe with this your nuclear weapon. You have been sentenced to spend three months in purdah with an option of N1million fine.

Aggressive marketing

Our investigation shows that your show of shame caused a second-degree style assault on the male folks where you were picked up. Have you forgotten what Section 234 of the Trend Code says? It states that good products don’t need aggressive marketing like you are doing now. For flagrantly flouting the law, pay a fine of N1million. No appeal!

Wahala dey!

Honestly sister, we don’t know where to start. You’ve flouted Section 24 subsection12 of the Straps Edict. You dared everyone and went on to give your bra straps freedom of expression and they became such a nuisance to all. The pouch and that extra tyre peeping at everyone are not very tidy. My jury thinks that the additional fabric on your skirt is not necessary. We hereby adjourn this case till October 4 because we need to summon your tailor to the next hearing.

Rag day?

Why are you doing this to yourself? If not for our timely intervention you could have ended up in Majidun when the KAI men were trying to keep Lagos clean. Your dress has proved beyond reasonable doubt that you are guilty. For making our lives miserable, you have been fined N700,000.

Big sis

Madam, you have really ruined our day with this look. It is so cheap and drab for a red carpet event. Your shoes didn’t strike any chord at all. It is so difficult for my jury to make anything out of your dressing. Try something more flattering next time. You have been fined N900,000.