Last week I wrote about how women cause their men to leave them. I got number of emails (all of which I replied personally) and I am quite pleased that many women felt strongly enough about this issue to voice their opinion. Our general consensus on this issue is that men are still to blame for most of the stress and heart/headaches that turn their women into disagreeable persons.

Without wasting much time let’s tell it like it is. Most men like to portray to the outside world that they have happy homes with loving, submissive and supportive wives, who adore them. It’s an ego thing, I think, for men to show that they are in control of everything. With much love, anything is possible but only a joker would think that if he doesn’t treat his wife right she will still stay with him. I am not saying all men are jokers, but the way some treat their wives is like driving a car without petrol or engine oil. It is ridiculous to get angry with the car when it finally packs up. Okay, maybe not a great analogy but I am sure readers get the general idea.

How many men out there have totally neglected their wives in the recent past? Why is it so hard for some men to say ‘I love you’ to their wives’? They probably said it 10 times a day when they were courting but now, after Junior and his four brothers and sisters have been born (otherwise known as ‘after the war’), there is no point in telling your African Queen that you love her. How is she supposed to know? And this isn’t a female need borne out of watching too many European romantic films or even reading too many Mills and Boon novels. It is an innate need for love and reassurance craved by all women. I know some men think it is very ‘un-African’ to profess love for your wife daily but if we think back even to old highlife songs of the ‘50s and ‘60s, those ‘papas’ of yester-years knew how to make their women feel loved. My hubby tells me he loves me quite regularly, but what he means is he has done something we are going to have a quarrel about and he is already trying to bribe my feelings. I must admit that it actually works. I am silly enough to smile and feel ecstatic all day if he tells me he is crazy about me in the morning, only for him to get home in the evening with a huge Tilapia fish he bought on his way home because he just ‘craved’ fish pepper soup. Who gets to clean and cook the monster? (I mean the fish, not my hubby!) I do, in spite of the fact that I am tired and one of the kids just tore two pages of their homework by accident. But my hubby loves me, so it’s all right.

My sister is not a very lovey-dovey person. She always pretends that she can’t stand any outward show of emotions but I know that to be very untrue. If you’ve got a wife who behaves this way you may feel that telling her you love her everyday may get on her nerves. But what will your excuse be for forgetting important dates in your relationship? You forget her birthday and your wedding anniversary and even when you do remember, you make light of the celebration and carry on as if it is not important to you. Remember the big cakes and soppy cards you bought her when you were courting? Remember the surprise party she threw for your birthday last year? This year you sent her an e-card at about six in the evening, after her best friend called to remind you of your wife’s birthday. You also miss birthday parties, anniversaries, school plays and even funerals because of work. You constantly remind her ‘I am doing all this for our family’ before taking yet another business trip to Abuja with that large-breasted personal assistant by your side. Don’t forget to look at other women. You don’t have to drool before your wife guesses what is on your mind. Women can sense infidelity before it even happens. So when your wife picks a fight with you the next day because you didn’t finish breakfast you wonder what has come over her.

Men like to show off their wives. Discerning women learn to ‘glam’ themselves up when going to functions with their husbands. I target getting my hair braided around the times I have to go to parties with my hubby. ‘Ghana-weave’ to the back is an excellent style as it gives me a natural face-lift. Anyway, wives also go to a lot of trouble to look good for their husbands and also because they want to show off to other women that they’ve got a ‘correct’ hubby. But what do some men do? They drink. They drink like a big-mouthed catfish. Of course they get drunk without realising it and start to talk very loudly. Then they start flirting with other people’s wives and embarrassing their own wives. Such a man may even say inappropriate things and keep making rude comments. He is helped into their car by his wife, just before he throws-up all over the front seat of the car, then blindly using his wife’s scarf/gele to wipe the ‘sick’ from his mouth. When they eventually get home, he demands to have sex. He is dirty, stinking and half drunk, yet he thinks he is God’s gift to his wife. The wife refuses his advances and keeps away from him the whole weekend. This happens almost every weekend. When ‘wifey’ decides to move into the spare room, hubby gets angry and wonders why she is denying him his conjugal rights.

I know women were born to talk but men were not born mutes either. When do some men find it easy to refuse to communicate with their wives? It is so painful for a woman when she tries to tell her man her heart and he just refuses to communicate. Why do some men think it is ‘macho’ to keep quiet and not communicate? Grunts and nods while watching TV do not count as communication. Keeping your mouth closed when you really should be communicating your heart and reaffirming your wife is asking for trouble. Quality time is not time a wife spends in the kitchen cooking, it is the time couples sit together and gossip about other people! When she spends ages on the telephone to her friends and goes out to visit other friends so that she can get a good natter, then hubby complains. When her mum comes to help with childcare and your wife doesn’t want her to leave because she’s finally got adult company that she can actually communicate with, you freak out. Not really her fault, is it?

I know that some people will argue that it seems women concern themselves with things that seem very insignificant. My response to this is that women are like the saying ‘wonderful things come in small packages’. If men would fulfil the minute needs of their wives they would be amazed at all the other wonderful benefits they would receive. It’s not about the big things, but the little things that men ignore that actually mean a lot to women. My advice to men who still want to hold on to their wives is to abstain from doing any of the things mentioned above. Trust me, seek your wife’s heart and all other pleasures will be yours. Really.