OFTENTIMES we wonder if we are good lovers or if we are in a great relationship. And then we ask ourselves…why do our relationships go bad too soon? As much as I hate to admit it, we simply make a few critical mistakes here and there in our relationships. And even if these mistakes seem tiny, they’re enough to sabotage our love lives and make us feel miserable and bitter! Don’t believe me? Then here are some of the most common, yet most damaging, mistakes that we women make in our dating lives. I’ve seen women make these mistakes over and over, and I’ve seen the damage they do. If fixing these mistakes makes you feel like a “doormat,” then I’m sorry for you. I really am. Why? Because sometimes, we have to be doormats in the short-term to enjoy the rest of the mansion in the long-term. Chasing After Men Some of us go out there and actively look for boyfriends. The moment we meet someone who shows the slightest bit of interest in us, we immediately show our “feelings,” too. And we do our best to make the relationship official as soon as possible. Why is this a mistake? Simple. If you chase after men, they run away! If they’re not 100% ready to have you as their girlfriend just yet, and you try to push the issue, trust me — they’re going to think, “On second thought, maybe not.” So don’t rush! Don’t make men change their minds about you. Don’t chase them. Don’t rush into relationships. The best relationships out there start much more naturally. Besides, chasing is their job — not yours! Making The Confession Let me say that again — it’s the man’s job to chase the woman. Make sure not to mix it up! And on the same note, it’s the man’s job to confess his feelings to you. But very unfortunately, too many of us make the role-reversal, and end up confessing our feelings to him. Take me for example. In different stages in my life, I’ve had several male best friends. And I’ve made the mistake of falling in love with a few of them, and I’ve made the even bigger mistake of confessing my feelings to them! I thought it would make the transition from “best friend” to “boyfriend” easier for them. But no in the end, I lost my best friends, and I ended up single and lonely. Again! Bottom line? Don’t make the confession! Again, it’s his job. Besides, wouldn’t it be better if you used all that energy to turn yourself into a better woman — someone who could make the men around her want to confess their feelings to her? Not Going Out There Some of us actually do the exact opposite of chasing after men. Some of us don’t go out there at all! We don’t meet new men, we don’t show up at dates, and we stick to a (very) small circle of friends. Sometimes, it’s because we’re afraid of rejection. Other times, it’s because we believe “the right man will come at the right time.” And unfortunately, both beliefs lead to the same thing — a very lonely love life! I’m not saying you should go out and chase men. I’m saying that you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take! So learn to go out there. Make yourself available. Meet new people and make new friends. You’ll see the improvement in your love life almost instantly. Thinking All Men Are The Same Do you think all men are the same? If you do, then I’m willing to bet that you’ve had a few bad relationships in the past — ones that ended the same miserable way, without fail. Still, I don’t think that’s an excuse to think all men are the same. After all, what about the good ones out there? Sure, a good (or bad, whichever way you look at it) majority of men out there isn’t ready to handle a relationship. But you shouldn’t dismiss all men as “jerks” or “only after one thing.” Do you really want to miss the few great single guys who come your way? If not, then keep an open mind! Having Standards That Are Too High I once had a friend who wanted a high-quality boyfriend. She wanted someone who made more than six digits a year, who was tall, built, and handsome, who was understanding and who would love her for who she was. I had to bite my lip while she was talking to me. My friend had an entry-level job (which she hated), was gaining weight, and was rather lazy and standoffish. And, as you might have guessed, she’s been single for a long time. Don’t get me wrong — it’s good to have high standards. Just make sure you can match up to your own standards! Otherwise, you’ll be setting yourself up for a lot of disappointments. Trust me. Nagging Sorry, ladies! I know how natural nagging may come to us. But trust me, it does little to make our relationships better. In fact, nagging actually makes them worse... Sure, we may have good intentions when we nag. But we also have good intentions when we try to correct a naughty kid... When you’ve reached your boiling point around a brat, we tend to say things like, “Stop being a brat!” But guess what? The more you nag the kid, the brattier he or she gets! Back to men. If you want your man to love you more, then don’t nag him too much. Instead, praise him more than you nag him! If he’s a good man, you can bet he’s working very, very hard to make the relationship a happy place. He’ll need your support. Will you give it to him? Not Looking For Help Finally, many women make the mistake of not looking for help when they’re unhappy. That’s why we make the foregoing mistakes over and over and over in our relationships. And that’s why many of us are still single and miserable! Don’t fall into a downward spiral. Get help! Talk with your friends. Read books on relationships, meet couples who are leading great relationships, and don’t be shy to ask a few questions. To the happiness you deserve… Good luck in life and love. Cheers.
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