Let’s go jogging

You are not such a fantastic dresser because you keep appearing here. Reports reaching us show that you were caught on the red carpet dressed like this! Have you forgotten that you’re not performing a track and field event? Since you have decided to dress like this, you have been mandated by this court to resume at the National Stadium every morning for a jogging session under the strict supervision of the Minister of Youths and Sports.

Expired milk factory

When you knew so well that your cleavage is tired and flabby like this, why hang-out with the girls? You kept those worn out boobs out to the detriment of others. This is bad market o! We are sure you have no NAFDAC number or SON certification. We hereby call on NFADAC to please look into this so that our consumers won’t be exposed to expired products.
You have been
fined N1million.

Burst-out beau

Girlfriend, you so much outdid others that our men picked you up on a patrol. We were told that you displayed your best assets in public and that married men in the vicinity could hardly concentrate. You are hereby fined N900,000.

Too bad

Section 356 of the Underwear Constitution says “ underwear are clothes worn beneath outer clothes, usually next to the skin and not normally seen in public”. Your dressing is abnormal and we won’t look the other way. Your offence is punishable under Section 23a of the style code. You have been fined N400, 000.


Big sis, when you want to show off , you need to do it with a lot of panache and style. But your bra is exposed and we think this dress is so tight that you actually got yourself squeezed into it. Aside that, you should have kept that necklace for another day. Considering the fact that you are a first time offender, you would be granted bail with two sureties who are top government
officials. I rise!

Over sabi

Madam, when you were brought into the witness box, we were wondering what Yeye Osun was doing in this court until we realized it was a mistaken identity. However, my jury thinks that with the type of embroidery and stones on your blouse, the beads are not so necessary. You have been pronounced guilty and fined N700, 000 only.