Mummy did you forget to wash off the ‘Shirley cream” in the morning? Or do you now work for Dangote cement? We refuse to accept that this thing you have on your face is pancake or powder. Madam, we advise you to get professional help on the right shade of colour suitable for your skin type. Pay a fine of N500,000 and sin no more.
When you were brought into the witness box we could hardly recognize you. Are you wearing this dress or is it wearing you? We know you are a model, but this looks slouchy and we want that curvy girl back. This court orders that you henceforth eat two wraps of fufu and pork for break fast, amala and edikaikong with plenty beef as lunch and Tuwo chinkafa and fura denunu for dinner. This would be done under the strict supervision of the Minister of Nutrition. No appeal please.
Information reaching us shows that you sat carelessly in public , exposing your oil rig and this caused pandemonium. But our efficient fashion police got you arrested and saved the situation before it got out of hands. This is an eye sore and you have been fined N500, 000.
Okiki! Okiki! Okiki! How many times did we call you? You have appeared in this court times without number, but you are still an unrepentant cleavage offender. Investigations show that you are even outshining Cossy with the rate you are flaunting your well-endowed cleavage in public . You will henceforth remain in our custody until you meet up with the bail conditions. You will provide us with sureties which must include three chief Imams each from all the western states and Kwara State who will sign an undertaken on your behalf on decent dressing.
Mama Mia 1 isn’t it bad enough that you have still struggling with style 101? Why do you have to rub our faces in your cleavage? We are very disturbed. You are hereby sentenced to three months in Azare in Bauchi state, where you are to milk cows every morning. We are sure you will appreciate your mammary glands better after the experience.
Retired with benefits
All evidence shows that these glands have fed three or four boys. So why make our life more miserable by exposing them to all and sundry? We don’t want your kids suing you, so go and pay a fine of N800, 000 to the appropriate quarters.