Two-tone flab

When you reveal so much skin in public , you are no longer looking sexy but rather you are a walking porn. Your bare back, cleavage and even the side view of your breasts are all over the place. Were you a victim of the acid rain? Because you need to explain this double colour o! This is so wrong. But before you become contagious you have to be confined to the St Mary’s convent where you would be taught the ethics of decent dressing.

Weird granny

What on earth were you thinking when you came out like this and you were arrested? Your lawyer tried to plead that you are not guilty, but we cannot accept that. Granny, we don’t understand this your sudden wannabe trendy look at this your age o! This case would be adjourned till the 4th of May when other evidences would be presented. So, you will have to remain in our custody so that the
evidence won’t be tampered with.

Very ‘pillowy’

Aunty what is this pillowcase doing out here ? We thought the pillows are better kept in the bedroom. But since you have decided to bring out what should be kept under wraps, you are hereby pronounced guilty and fined N800,00

Na by force?

You were nabbed for forcefully pulling down your blouse just because you wanted to show us you have a tattoo. Why should you do that when you knew you don’t have such a glowing skin? Haba! Those are stretch marks obviously. It’s not a crime having stretch marks, but the offence is when you deliberately rub such horror on our faces. Henceforth, you have been banned from wearing anything revealing and fined N800,000. Not too good


Is that another tower of Babel you have up there? You flouted section 234 of the 1999 gele code.

Offence 2:

Section23, subsection10a of the chandelier constitution says “never let your earrings fall down to your neck” Madam, we don’t even understand what the extensions are doing right down on your shoulder. If only you had toned it down a bit, you wouldn’t be looking like a newly hanged drapery. We hereby fine you N1million and your attire would be donated to the Alaba curtain section. We are sure they would use it more wisely.